Imani Hakim — Tonya Rock

Chris: Man, it's messed up!
Greg: That's OK. We've survived worse things. Remember the time we survived those Cuban drug runners?
[Cuban drug runners are threatening Greg with guns and a chainsaw]
Cuban Drug Runner: Where's the drugs?!
Chris: We don't have any coke, but there's a Pepsi machine upstairs.
[we see a tear running down Greg's face as the Cuban drug runner speaks some Spanish]
Greg: Yeah, and remember the time we were captured by those Vietnamese guys?
[a Vietnamese guy spins a gun during a game of Russian roulette, which then points at Greg; he then punches him]
Chris: C'mon! Go ahead, Greg. Go ahead! [the Vietnamese guy punches him] It's gonna be OK. It's gonna be all right. [the Vietnamese guy punches Greg] GO AHEAD!
Greg: Go fish.
[the Vietnamese guy punches Chris and Greg]
Chris: Remember the time we took out that mobster? [to Greg] Leave the gun. Take the Pop-Tarts.
Greg: Yeah, we've had some crazy times.

Chris: Rice, rice, rice. Do you think all I knows is rice? I was there when George Washington Carver shucked that first peanut. I make yams and corn and cotton, but all America wants is them little grains of rice. I gives and I gives till I can't gives no more.

Vanessa: [explaining her date with Kill Moves] We opened the champagne, headed for the seaport. There was a pink helicopter waitin' for me.
Narrator: You can hear about the rest of Vanessa's date at www.vanessa'sbigdatewithkillmoves.tv.

Doctor: There are various techniques that you can use to avoid injury while delivering an ass-whupping. There's the Two-Cheek Cross, the Roundhouse Booty Buster, or my personal favorite, the Kunta Kinte Will Breaker. In the wrong hands a beating can be called child abuse, but in the right hands it could be the difference between raising a Bill Gates or a Bobby Brown.

Narrator: Now all I need is six white girls and a monkey.

Todd Bridges — Jimmy "Monk" Harris

Antonio Fargas — Doc Harris

Ernest Thomas — Mr. Omar

Travis T. Flory — Joey Caruso