Sam: Sorry, we're closed. [Last line of the series]

Sam: I keep askin' myself: what is the point to life?
Woody: Whew. That's a tough question.
Cliff: Ehh. Well, I got the answer.
Frasier: Somehow I knew you would.
Cliff: Comfortable shoes.
Frasier: Shoes?
Cliff: Yeah. If you're not wearin' comfortable shoes, life is just chaos. I mean the greatest accomplishments in history have been made by men wearin' accommodating shoes. Uh, Frasier, tell me, who do you think is the greatest thinker in all mankind?
Frasier: I don't know, uh... Aristotle.
Cliff: There you go: sandals. Perhaps the most comfortable shoe there is. You hardly even know you have them on. I mean Confucius: thongs. Einstein: loose loafers.

Sam: Well, at least I didn't fly across the country to make an ass out of myself.
Diane: Why bother when you do it so brilliantly right here?

Diane: [to Woody] What's new in your life?
Woody: Oh, well, you know, I, uh, got married and I'm gonna have a kid.
Diane: Wonderful.
Woody: Yeah. Oh, I just got elected to the Boston City Council.
Diane: [amazed, in disbelief] How nice. And I'm next in line for the throne of England.
Woody: Well, you know, maybe we'll work together someday... hammer out a treaty or somethin'.

Frasier: Hello, Diane.
Diane: Hello Frasier, you're looking well!
Frasier: I'm feeling well! I'm happily married with a bright young son and a successful practice. But, you know, what's most important, and I just realized it this moment, is that, I'm over you.
Diane: I'm glad.
Frasier: There is absolutely nothing here anymore. I'm over you. You could be a total stranger for all I'm feeling. You could be ugly and gnarled and toothless, without that shining hair, those dancing eyes and these graceful, subtle limbs. Thank God I'm free.
Diane: Frasier, you're hurting me!
Frasier: Well, you never hurt me, did you?!

Frasier: [about Diane's husband] If she's left him a shred of manhood it's only because she's waiting for the right moment to flick it away like the last shriveled pea on her plate. Thank God I'm over her. Hit me, Woody! Four fingers of the meanest swill you got!

Sam: You know I think you should go home, wake Vera, and do whatever comes naturally.
Norm: Wake her up so she can watch me eat a bucket of buffalo wings?

Sam: The woman I choose is gonna feel very special. You know, like when a great chef picks the perfect pork chop.
Frasier: [sarcastically] That's beautiful, Sam.

Cliff: These are your golden years.
Ma Clavin: Oh, bless your heart. You've given me what every mother dreams of: a tastefully furnished room in which to die among strangers.

Ma Clavin: [about the retirement home] Clifford, are you sure we can afford a place like this?
Cliff: Oh, yeah, Ma. Don't worry. Your insurance policies will cover it.
Ma Clavin: Oh, that's convenient. You'll have money left for hooch and slatterns.