Eddie: Right, so your philosophy is... bollocks?
Richie: : Yes!
Eddie: Well that's an unusual philosophical stance.
Richie: : Yeah, I think I put my trousers on too quickly just now. But stick to the point, Eddie, I thought we were talking philosophy?
Eddie: Well, we were, but your philosophy is bollocks!
Richie: : So let's talk bollocks!
Eddie: BUT THAT'S ALL WE EVER DO!
Richie: : So let's do what we always do!
Eddie: Oh god, and so it goes on, day after day, year in year out, slime in this ear, slime in that ear, don't you ever yearn for change?

Richie: : Just SHUT UP and watch the play, right? (points to Eddie) You, leave me alone: we're never gonna get out of South-fucking-hampton.

Richie: : Eddie I have decided to kill myself because I'm £15,000 in debt!
Eddie: Fucking Hell! A line from the play!

Richie: : Ah, Monica. You were the first, and you'll be the last. You took my cherry... right off!

Richie: I said "brick"! Not "penis"!

Eddie: That's right, me old cockaleeky-mate-flap-sparrow-Cockney-rhyming-bollocks!

Richie: You stupid idiot, Eddie! You bloody fool!

Eddie: Hello? I'd like to blackmail the Prime Minister...Uh...Richard Richard.

Richie: Hello? Put me through to the Prime Minister!...Because I want to blackmail him!...It's Richard Richard. Oh shit! [hangs up] I accidentally gave my name away! You'll have to do it Eddie. Use an assumed name.

Eddie: That's it. I'm going to write to my MP!
Richie: (confused) Why?!
Eddie: Because... I love her!
Richie: (emphatically) Eddie! Tony Blair is a man!
Eddie: She's not, she's not!