Waiter quotes, aphorisms, statements, say
Fairly OddParents, The [Older Timmy has been eating "grown-up" food at a restaurant]
Waiter: That'll be $265.
Timmy: WHAT?! That's more than I get in allowance-- I mean, that's more than I make in a month!
Waiter: Well, you should have finished college.
Timmy: Did YOU finish college?
Waiter: [breaking into tears] NO!!! WHY DO YOU THINK I'M A WAITER?!?!
Columbo [Waiter hands Columbo a check]
Lt. Columbo: $6.00? Excuse me, uh, no, I think there's a mistake. I had the chili and the iced tea.
Waiter: Oh. [adjusts figure]
Lt. Columbo: $6.75?!
Waiter: I forgot the iced tea.
Law amp Order Special Victims Unit [Fin walks into an Edgar Allen Poe restaurant where the waiters are dressed in outlandish costumes.]
Waiter 1: We're a themed restaurant, sir.
Waiter 2: We dress up as Edgar Allen Poe characters. I'm the raven.
Waiter 1: And I'm the telltale heart!
Fin: [Flashes badge] And I'm the cop.
Two and a Half Men Waiter: Good to have you back, Mr Harper. We haven't seen your mother here for quite some time.
Charlie: Maybe you just didn't recognise her. Like Satan, my mother can take many forms!
[A few moments later, after the waiter has been subjected to Lydia's sarcastic and abrasive manner]
Waiter: [in an undertone to Charlie] Many forms. I thought you were joking!