Mystery Science Theater 3000 [Integrating an alien power supply into their Eagle, Tony, reading some instructions, counts off numbers to Commander Koenig.]
Tony: 1... 2...
Servo [as Tony]: 3...
Tony: 5...
Joel, Crow, Servo: What?!
Tony: 6...
Joel: That's why they're in such trouble.
Tony: 7... 4.
Crow: Well, they are British.

NCIS Tony: We gotta do something, boss.
Gibbs: Have you ever made a mistake, Tony?
Tony: According to you or me?
Gibbs: You.
Tony: Yeah.
Gibbs: Could anyone make you feel better?
Tony: No.

NCIS Ziva: Tony!! [jumps on Tony to cover him from a bomb blast]
Tony: This is nice. I miss the old Ziva.
Ziva: I can tell.
Tony: Don't flatter yourself. That's just my knee.

NCIS Ziva: Tony, I have a question.
Tony: Shoot.
Ziva: If and when you meet my friend, and I emphasize 'if', what will you say?
Tony: Be careful. [chuckles insecurely] Um, handle with care; contents priceless.
Ziva: Goodnight, Tony.
Tony: Goodnight, Ziva.

Skins Tony: Just you and me, sis.
Effy: Fucking wanker.
Tony: Eff, what are you talking about?
Effy: Michelle.
Tony: I tried.
Effy: No. Wanker.
Tony: I said sorry!
Effy: Wanker.
Tony: Effy. I liked it better when you didn't talk.
Effy: [pause] Wanker.

NCIS Tony: God! Oh, God, these are new boots!
Ziva: This is not the time for sightseeing, Tony!
Tony: The only sight I see is your big black...
Ziva: Hey!
Tony: Backpack! Walking faster!

NCIS Tony: Look, everybody enjoys a good book, but don't you ever have the urge to just act a little...
Ziva: Childish?
Tony: Silly. Stupid. Brainless.
Ziva: Like you?
Tony: Exactly.
Ziva: Tony, you and I come from two totally different places. In my world, you grow up. Fast. You have no choice.
Tony: Now you do.

NCIS Tony: [watching Langer leave] What an ass.
Ziva: [looking down admiringly] Yes, indeed.
Tony: You're Langer-leering. You're leering at Langer.
Ziva: Why not? He's cute.
Tony: He -- he's not cute, he's --
Ziva: [puts her finger over Tony's mouth] Shh. Don't speak.
Tony: [impressed] Bullets Over Broadway. Woody Allen.
Ziva: Very good, Tony. You get a B in my class.
Tony: I could teach your class.

NCIS McGee: The blood starts at the ping-pong table.
Tony: Beer pong.
McGee: Huh?
Tony: This is tragic, don't tell me you've never played beer pong before, Probie.
[McGee stares at Tony]
Tony: What did you do at MIT?
McGee: Study.
Tony: Figures.

NCIS Tony: Long distance can be hard. Telefriend from Tel Aviv?
Ziva: You're jealous.
Tony: I'm not jealous.
Ziva: Yes, you are.
Tony: No, I'm not. I'm not arguing, boss.
McGee: Argue!
Tony: Am not!