Open Season Elliot: No I didn't do it!
Boog: [holding Elliot over the cliff] Take a good look around, Elliot. What's missing?
Elliot: Wait, don't tell me. I know this one...
Boog: Timberline is missing!
Elliot: Oh, I was just going to say that.
Boog: My garage is missing. My breakfast, lunch and dinner are missing! My life is missing, and it's all... your... fault!
Elliot: What are you gonna do?

Scrubs [Elliot and Jake are about to sleep together for the first time]
Elliot: I don't think we're going too fast at all. By the way, what do you do?
Jake: I make and distribute Hungarian pornography.
Elliot: [horrified] Ohh....
Jake: I'm a real estate developer.
Elliot: Oh, thank God!

Scrubs Dan: So, you slept with my little brother. If he tries hard, but there's room for improvement, take a sip.
[Elliot takes a sip]
J.D.: Elliot!
Elliot: What? I was thirsty.
J.D.: Well, ok, ask me if she could be better. [drains glass] What? Thirsty!
Elliot: [aside to Dan] I wasn't thirsty.

Beauty and the Beast TV Elliot: : I'm Elliot Birch.
Catherine: : Of course, you are.

H2o Just Add Water [when Elliot is saved by Rikki]
Elliot: How did you do that?

Open Season 2 Boog: Come on, Giselle. We gotta stick together out here. We're partners, right?
[Elliot does a long gasp]
Elliot: [Points at Boog] Boog! You traitor! [Points at Giselle] And you... traitor.. ex!
[Giselle looks offended]
Elliot: Enjoy your new-found partnership!
Boog: Oh, come on, Elliot--
Elliot: I don't need any of you! I'll find Mr. Weenie on my own! [Points at himself] So long!
[Elliot then turns to leave]
McSquizzy: Hey! You're going the wrong way, ya choob!
Elliot: [Sarcastically] Oh, thank you very much! This is a shortcu--
[Elliot falls off of a cliff and screams]
Elliot: I'm okay guys! You don't care.
McSquizzy: Not really! Was that too harsh?

Open Season 2 [As he is trying to tell Giselle how he really feels, Elliot is continuously interrupted by birds and Deni]
Elliot: Why do these birds and ducks suddenly appear every time you're near?!...Unless, like me... they long to be...
[Deni quacks again, but Elliot ignores him]
Elliot:...Close to you.

Scrubs [J.D. is angry that Elliot has told Keith personal things about him]
J.D. [to Elliot] You know, I am ashamed of you! Do you know how unbelievably petty it is to get that personal?
[The elevator opens, revealing the entire staff]
J.D.: Once when we were dating, Elliot asked me to urinate on her!
Elliot: [screeching] I'd been stung by a jellyfish!

Journeyman Elliot Langley: You are the last one.
Dan Vassar: No, you're wrong. There's one more.
Elliot Langley: Really, who?
Dan Vassar: I wish I could talk about it.
Elliot Langley: Wise man.

True Romance Lee Donowitz: Elliot, how do we know this guy?
Elliot: He's a friend of Dick.
Lee: Who the *static* -is dick?
Elliot: You... you want me to suck his dick?
Lee: Who the FUCK is Dick?
Elliot: Oh, oh! Who the fuck is Dick?