Roseanne Darlene: Take it easy.
Becky: You too.
Darlene: I'll miss you.
Becky: Will you call?
Darlene: Promise. I love you, Becky.
Becky: I love you, Darlene.
Darlene: Did you ever know that you're my hero?
Becky: You are the wind beneath my wings.
Roseanne: All right, knock it off.
Darlene: See you, bubble butt.
Becky: Later, Morticia.

Roseanne Jackie: Hey Beck, where's Darlene?
Becky: Well, they said she couldn't be in the commercial dressed like death.
Dan: She go home?
Becky: Not yet!
(Darlene walks in wearing a flowered dress and braided hair)
Darlene: Shut up.
Dan: Why, Darlene! You look--
Darlene: Shut up.
Jackie: Oh, come on! It's not so--
Darlene: SHUT UP!!

Roseanne Darlene: Well, well, well!
Dan: [groaning] Aww, man!
Darlene: My, my, my, my, my!
Dan: What are you doing here?
Darlene: You know, I'll bet that when you imagined us in this situation, you always pictured yourself on the other side of those bars.
Dan: Come on Darlene, I don't have time for this...
Darlene: Oh, I think you do.

Roseanne [about Darlene's pregnancy]
David: How? When?
Darlene: When? Disney World!
David: You mean... that night after the fireworks?
Darlene: Either that or it really is a magical kingdom.

Roseanne Darlene: I can handle this.
Becky: You can't take her, Darlene.
Darlene: I'm not gonna try. I'll just talk my way out of it.
D.J.: Okay, just stay down.
Darlene: You don't believe me? Dad, can I talk to about something?
Dan: Coming.
Darlene: Watch.
Dan: Yeah, Darlene.
Darlene: Listen, I'm really sorry I called you "Wide Load" yesterday. I mean, I meant it to be funny and I really thought you would laugh. But I've been thinking about it, and now I realize it was really insensitive.
Dan: Darlene, tie your hair back really tight so she can't swing you around with it.
Becky: You're dead, Darlene.
Darlene: Oh, man.
Dan: Rope-a-dope, Darlene. Keep your arms up in front of your face; eventually, she'll wear herself out.

Roseanne Bev: You know, Darlene, you're very lucky to have such a popular sister. When you start dating she could give you some pointers. (winks)
Darlene: Yeah well, if she's so popular, just ask her which one of us got felt up. (winks)
Roseanne: Darlene, leave the table.
Darlene: Yeah, I knew that'd do it.

Roseanne Roseanne: [Darlene and David race downstairs when Roseanne and Jackie come in the front door] Hey!
Darlene: What?
Roseanne: What are you doing upstairs with some boy?
Darlene: Well no one was home, so I figured, why not become a woman!

Roseanne Molly: I can get the homework assignment from Darlene later.
Roseanne: Dan, did you hear that? Darlene went to school today.

Roseanne Roseanne: I found it, Darlene!
Darlene: What?
Roseanne: The floor of your room!

Roseanne Mark: (to Darlene) Get me a beer.
Darlene: Get it yourself, slob.